The Kindness in Action Program can help you to reduce stress, improve life balance, communicate effectively, create kinder environments, and much more. At the core of the program are 12 action steps, each with their own distinct tools. Each tool creates more purpose and connection in your life.
Today, I wanted to go into detail on Action Steps 4, 5 and 6. Review my website to learn more about the program in general, and review additional tools.
STEP FOUR: Flip a Negative Thought
Everything starts with a thought!
We can’t stop a negative or judgmental thought from coming, however, we can be aware of the thought and how it makes us feel and behave. Like a train about to fly down the track, we can decide whether to stop it or let it run.
In the moment of a negative thought, it is important to be mindful and notice if the thought is serving you and others. Is the thought kind or necessary? It can be difficult to shift a negative or judgmental thought in the moment, but the secret is to be mindful of the thought first.
There are different approaches to shift negative thinking. We can pause, take a breath, do something to distract ourselves, think of the positive qualities a person has rather than the negative, or simply allow ourselves to be with our feelings. These techniques help us to come back to a more forgiving and kind place.
STEP FIVE: Be Present in Daily Activities
Be present in daily activities and focus on the task in front of you.
Mindfulness begins with recognizing that your mind is moving from one thing to the next. If you slow down long enough to focus on what you are doing and where you are, and even taking a breath, you are able to be more present.
When it comes time to being present, I often say, you can do anything for 10 minutes.
I had this experience recently when my husband and I moved into a new condo. What comes with moving…boxes!!! For days, I sat and stared at the boxes in a bedroom, unopened and unpacked. I told myself, just start with 10 minutes. Before I knew it, I was fully present and on a roll. Ten minutes turned into an hour. Now, I have to keep repeating this daily until they are all unpacked, but 10 minutes eliminated the dread factor.
STEP SIX: Engage in Difficult Conversations
Be willing to engage in a difficult conversation in a kind and caring manner.
Engaging in a difficult conversation with the intention to be kind takes time and patience. We often hold things inside until we explode, become hurt and defensive, or we blurt something out without thinking. When we start by acknowledging a person’s positive qualities, asking questions so we understand another’s perspective, and naming how a situation is concerning us or making us feel, it allows the other person to not feel defensive and to listen to what is being said.
Here is a three-step process for engaging in a difficult conversation:
Acknowledge the other for their positive traits or for something that they have done right. I know sometimes we may feel like we have to dig deep, but it is possible.
Express your concerns around a situation, behavior or reaction that you are not happy with and how it has made you feel. It is important to take responsibility for your own feelings and not to start the blame game. Also, inquire and ask questions that help you understand the other person’s perspective.
Acknowledge the other person for listening and for being willing to discuss the matter.
Here’s a real-life example…
An adult client and father of two needed to have a difficult conversation with his mother. He started the process by acknowledging his gratitude for her willingness to help financially with childcare for his children. Second, he expressed his concern over certain comments she was making about his and his wife’s parenting skills, and he communicated how disempowering, guilty and frustrated the statements made him feel. He then inquired about the reason for her comments.
His mother admitted current times were different than when she was parenting, and she might not fully appreciate today’s parenting style. He started to understand her point of view and confusion. He acknowledged her willingness to engage in the conversation and together they made certain compromises that they both felt comfortable with.
Stay tuned for additional blogs where I break out remaining Kindness in Action steps. If you have any comments or questions about the program, please reply below or reach out to me directly: tina@tinastaley.com.
